Who are you in relationship with?
Your nervous system has been with you throughout your entire life, holding the imprints of every experience—both from your younger self and your more mature self. It carries the wisdom of your journey, storing memories, emotions, and patterns that shape how you respond to the world today. Your nervous system is hard coded with information from ALL PARTS OF YOU.
Within each of us exist multiple parts, each shaped by different life experiences. While we have our grounded, adult self, we also carry younger parts, protective parts, and others.
Within us, younger parts often seek safety and resolution. These younger parts often emerge from unresolved trauma or hardship, becoming stuck in the pain of that moment. When triggered by present-day experiences, they relive the past instantly, influencing how we respond and communicate.
These younger parts are especially present in romantic relationships, where they may unconsciously look to a partner to fulfill the role of the caring, attentive parent they once longed for.
Not only do we need to be more aware of our parts, but we also need to become more in touch with when they are present or "online" within us.
In relationships, it's especially important to recognize if we're communicating from our adult self or our younger self….and the key is regulation.
Sometimes, we may feel fully regulated when communicating with our partner. Other times, our adult self may be present, but we’re still feeling the emotional pull of a younger part (dysregulation)
The key is having enough of our adult self-engaged (regulation) so that we can speak ON BEHALF of our younger part, rather than from it.
Maybe think of it as choosing your adult to self advocate for your younger self in the conversation, but not actually allowing the younger self to be a part of the conversation.
Sharing our experiences with our partner is essential for a healthy relationship.
Feeling like we can open up with our thoughts and emotions without fear that we might be "too much" or overwhelm our partner is a necessity for creating true intimacy and connection.
It is essential for both partners to understand which part that they are communicating from, and regulate back to the adult part when needed.
